There's an old bit of advice that says you should look at how your date treats the server at the restaurant to see how nice a person your date is. I think you should probably get to know your date a little bit better, and use a slightly more nuanced approach, but ... I think the point is very valid. How you treat those that are situationally below you, hierarchically, says a lot about you.
My larger thought here, though, is about small considerations in general. By small considerations, I mean when you have to think about something minor, and take a minor act, in consideration of someone else. Put the shopping cart where it goes, park in between the lines, walk on the sidewalk instead of the grass, hold the door for someone, respond to a greeting, put an item back on the shelf where you got it, stay in the flow of traffic instead of trying to pull in front of someone half a mile down the line, etc.
What does it take for you to feel empowered to ignore those small considerations? For some people -- absolutely nothing. They (quite literally) don't consider others, especially in small spots. These people are absorbed in their own business and it simply does not occur to them that they should consider others. Almost everyone, though, has tipping points.
So here's my mini-thesis: The level of your considerateness should be gauged based on how long you hold out against this feeling of entitlement.
So, let's throw out some hypos.
Do you feel that anytime you have your children that entitles you to ignore what others might want? (You don't have to stand in line, you don't have to be nice to the person bagging your groceries, you don't have to acknowledge the handicapped parking space, etc.)
Do you feel like if you are late to a social gathering, you can be rude?
What about if you had a bad day? Does that excuse you from social niceties?
What about if someone is rude to you? Does that excuse you being rude? Does it justify it (meaning not that it won't be held against you, but it is actually RIGHT to be rude)?
How about online? Can you blast someone online even if you wouldn't in real life?
If you are fighting with someone, should you have to consider the rest of your audience? Your kids, your spouse, your friends, your neighbors, random passersby?
If you want to hear the radio AND feel the wind on your face, should you think of the people in the houses you are passing by?
If it's nighttime, how quiet should you try to be? Should you carefully close the doors? Should you turn the handles so that the click of the door closing is inaudible?
Should you consider your neighbor's schedule when determining when to mow your lawn?
Should you always carry an extra Wal-Mart sack when you walk your dog ... just in case?
Now, there are at least 2 different types of being considerate, and what I am here discussing encompasses both. The first is whether the issue actually occurs to you -- if you CONSIDER the problem. The second is whether you take action to help others, or not.
So, my feeling on this is that you should try to maximize the first type of consideration by being very aware of the effects of your actions on other people -- not just how it would effect YOU, but how your behavior effects others. Once you are aware, you should then go through some sort of value balancing based on whether the difficulty/cost of action is worth the benefit gained.
Doing the first part is, in some ways, a lot harder; you have to learn to constantly walk in others' shoes. And the crappy part about it is that, once you actually do that, you don't have the "Well, sorry, I really didn't think about it" excuse anymore, so you end up making more work for yourself.
But (as my theory goes) it's worth it. You feel better about yourself, and others like you more. It's another example of the Broken Windows theory (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fixing_Broken_Windows), which I buy, in general.
A few end-of-post thoughts: 1) I don't do the level 2 considerate thing in all of the above hypos, and I wasn't trying to say that everyone should; 2) Yes, I'm a middle child; 3) This blog led me to another topic, so I'll post something on it next. :-)
http:\\amusingbeam.blogspot.com
My larger thought here, though, is about small considerations in general. By small considerations, I mean when you have to think about something minor, and take a minor act, in consideration of someone else. Put the shopping cart where it goes, park in between the lines, walk on the sidewalk instead of the grass, hold the door for someone, respond to a greeting, put an item back on the shelf where you got it, stay in the flow of traffic instead of trying to pull in front of someone half a mile down the line, etc.
What does it take for you to feel empowered to ignore those small considerations? For some people -- absolutely nothing. They (quite literally) don't consider others, especially in small spots. These people are absorbed in their own business and it simply does not occur to them that they should consider others. Almost everyone, though, has tipping points.
So here's my mini-thesis: The level of your considerateness should be gauged based on how long you hold out against this feeling of entitlement.
So, let's throw out some hypos.
Do you feel that anytime you have your children that entitles you to ignore what others might want? (You don't have to stand in line, you don't have to be nice to the person bagging your groceries, you don't have to acknowledge the handicapped parking space, etc.)
Do you feel like if you are late to a social gathering, you can be rude?
What about if you had a bad day? Does that excuse you from social niceties?
What about if someone is rude to you? Does that excuse you being rude? Does it justify it (meaning not that it won't be held against you, but it is actually RIGHT to be rude)?
How about online? Can you blast someone online even if you wouldn't in real life?
If you are fighting with someone, should you have to consider the rest of your audience? Your kids, your spouse, your friends, your neighbors, random passersby?
If you want to hear the radio AND feel the wind on your face, should you think of the people in the houses you are passing by?
If it's nighttime, how quiet should you try to be? Should you carefully close the doors? Should you turn the handles so that the click of the door closing is inaudible?
Should you consider your neighbor's schedule when determining when to mow your lawn?
Should you always carry an extra Wal-Mart sack when you walk your dog ... just in case?
Now, there are at least 2 different types of being considerate, and what I am here discussing encompasses both. The first is whether the issue actually occurs to you -- if you CONSIDER the problem. The second is whether you take action to help others, or not.
So, my feeling on this is that you should try to maximize the first type of consideration by being very aware of the effects of your actions on other people -- not just how it would effect YOU, but how your behavior effects others. Once you are aware, you should then go through some sort of value balancing based on whether the difficulty/cost of action is worth the benefit gained.
Doing the first part is, in some ways, a lot harder; you have to learn to constantly walk in others' shoes. And the crappy part about it is that, once you actually do that, you don't have the "Well, sorry, I really didn't think about it" excuse anymore, so you end up making more work for yourself.
But (as my theory goes) it's worth it. You feel better about yourself, and others like you more. It's another example of the Broken Windows theory (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fixing_Broken_Windows), which I buy, in general.
A few end-of-post thoughts: 1) I don't do the level 2 considerate thing in all of the above hypos, and I wasn't trying to say that everyone should; 2) Yes, I'm a middle child; 3) This blog led me to another topic, so I'll post something on it next. :-)
http:\\amusingbeam.blogspot.com
Comments
Post a Comment