Thoughts on transgender issues, or Why do you care about someone else's gender?

Gender and Sex are different

While watching all the silliness surrounding people's angst at Caitlyn Jenner's receipt of an award for courage, I've realized that many people simply don't understand that "sex" and "gender" are two different things (though they usually have a high degree of correlation).  "Sex" is an anatomic distinction based on chromosomes and body parts.  Gender is a question of social identity as it relates to ideas of what the spectrum of female and male signifies.

This is important because it appears that many who get upset about transgender people imagine that they look down, see one set of parts, and then somehow decide they have another set of parts, evidently in something like a psychotic break. For what it's worth, I'm sure some people actually do that, and I would generally agree that those people have serious mental health problems.

But the vast majority of people that are transgendered have no such illusions.  They are hyper-aware of the parts they have.  They just believe, for whatever reasons based on whatever context in which they find themselves, that those parts don't reflect their true identity.  The essence of being a male, in an MtF transgender, does not match who that person believes herself to be, but the essence of being a female does.

To be honest ...

To be honest, I don't fully understand this mentality.  To me intellectually, there is very little to being a male versus being a female.  There are certain gut-level proclivities I have (like "I must provide for the family because I'm a male") that I know spring directly from my childhood and the Southern culture in which I have spent my life, and that is certainly part of my identity, but intellectually I don't ascribe that to being male.  But simply because I don't understand someone else's mentality does not mean much.

I also suspect that many people who are transgender likely have had some serious traumas in their lives and that the state of being transgendered is a reaction to that.  But ... who cares?  Many writers are writers because of trauma, alcoholism, extreme isolation, and other not-so-great histories.

And I would guess that being transgendered will be a relatively short-lived phenomenon, culturally, as barriers break down in gender roles and the essence of being a female or a male continues to become more gray.

But why do we care

Those last 3 paragraphs are all me speaking from my very limited experience, and I could easily be wrong about all of it.  I haven't particularly cared to investigate further because I honestly don't care.  I don't care if people believe something about themselves that is completely harmless and fulfills them in some way.  I don't care if it is a nature or nurture issue.  I don't care if they announce it on national TV or online (just like I don't care when cisgendered people do so).

And I don't fully understand why so many other people do care.  I suspect that part of it is a misunderstanding about "sex" and "gender," part of it is that many conservatives still believe in specific roles for the sexes (not genders) and this problematizes that, and part of it is just a kneejerk reaction to anything "deviant" ... and it is unusual, though the pejorative side of that word should be dropped.

Here are some specific areas where I have seen debates, and my thoughts on them:

What to call them

I think it should be relatively self-evident that someone can decide what they would prefer to be called and that we would have few reasons to legitimately challenge that.  As long as the name isn't constantly switching or obscene or something, it creates no additional burden on anyone.  I think someone that still calls Caitlyn Jenner "Bruce" is being a bit of a jerk, attempting to invalidate her choices about herself.

And note that I said "her" choices.  There seems to be a big problem people have in the gendered pronouns. I have trouble wrapping my mind around why people care on either side of this issue, but I guess it goes to the core of how a transgendered person sees him/herself, so ... what valid reason do I have to challenge that?  I suspect that, for some people, it is the distinction of sex and gender again, and they believe that pronouns should refer to sex, not to gender (if they understand that difference).

To be honest, this is a slightly more difficult one because a pronoun is not "owned" by someone in the same way that their name is.  And I get pretty annoyed when someone acts offended when there is an honest slip or a just a mis-identification based on appearances.  Expecting others to treat pronouns as if they are hugely important DOES create a burden on people and decreases the easy utility of pronouns.  But, all that said, if you are purposely using a pronoun that someone else finds to be hurtful or offensive, why?  Again, it's a bit jerky.

Kids

I have a big problem with pushing gender on children.  I don't think that parents should do this in either direction, so telling a child they are transgendered seems as wrong to me as telling a child they are not.  Getting into this meta-identity concept with someone that hasn't hit double digits is as bad as the redneck yelling, "You can't play with a doll because you're a boy!"

But if a kid wants people to use other pronouns, again, I don't know why people care.  That kid just shouldn't be upset if someone forgets.

Bathrooms

Bathrooms are also more difficult.  I honestly think the question of sexuality should be the driver for change here, though.  It makes more sense for a gay male to go to a female restroom than an MtF transgendered person, especially if that female is attracting to women.  Little kids see only the parts, and the difference between a urinal and a stall are important based on the actual physical parts.

And there are legitimate safety risks.  A straight guy going into a woman's restroom can simply say he is transgendered, and there is no way to know for sure otherwise.  A large guy in the women's restroom is understandably disconcerting to a petite woman.

Barring expenses, the obviously better solution would be to create bathrooms with lockable doors and no way to peak so that the restrooms can be together.  Just about everyone would prefer that solution -- I certainly don't like standing at a trough, shoulder to shoulder with other guys, and I doubt I'm alone in that.

Barring that, though, my personal opinion is that "sex," not "gender," should drive this discussion until we get to a point where everyone builds bathrooms where it doesn't matter.

The award

And, finally, we get to the ESPY award for courage that Caitlyn Jenner received.  I find it just flabbergastingly stupid that people have whipped up outrage over this.  Did anyone know this award even existed?  Can you name other winners?

And, yes, of course we would all agree that there are all sorts of other types of bravery, including soldiers and people that have faced cancer.  But in what possible universe does that mean that this type of bravery isn't real?  My first reaction was, "That's an odd choice."  I thought (and think) that it was an obvious attempt by ESPN to get some free publicity, for a woman and family that seems to crave publicity.  After I saw all the hoopla on social media, though, I began to think ... she really was brave.  All these people that should have no care whatsoever about this issue try to bully her through purposely calling her a name she has given up and by using pronouns she does not wished used.  If that were all the bullying, it would just be sort of run-of-the-mill online trolling, but it, of course, was much, much worse than that.  I won't include any of the horrible items I've seen in comments online, but suffice it to say that, even if you thought that she has mental health issues, Caitlyn is obviously not has unhinged as those posters.

And I saw a post by a soldier that pointed out that there is a very high suicide rate among the transgendered, and that it is quite possible that someone on the brink of killing themselves might have seen this award and garnered just enough hope to get past that horrible spot.  That soldier thought that the possibility of saving even one life made this a great and useful award, and I can't argue with his logic.

Mental health

To me, you have a mental health issue if something in your mind causes you to be unable to live as happy or fulfilling a life as you could.  This is to be distinguished from how others treat you and make it harder for you to be happy.  A racially mixed couple does not have mental health issues for wanting to be together, despite the fact that they know they will be subjected to racism.

If a transgendered person can lead a happier and more fulfilling life in that identity, in my mind there is absolutely no mental health issue, no matter the cause or whether the identity is a "choice."

People that would try to bully the transgendered out of their happy and fulfilling lives, on the other hand, likely do have some mental health issues.  They undoubtedly have issues with loving their fellow humans.

Thoughts?